Watching Me

Hiya, Pixie. I saw that you posted a new story, so I thought I'd take a look. I'm not too sure whether or not you're familiar with my reviewing techniques, but I'll tell you about them anyway / Firstly, I'll through the whole piece, making [suggestions/comments] and edits or extra adding-ins. Then I will go through the whole review with you at the end. Ready? Here we go... (:

Dark Eyed Pixie wrote:Finally the smoke cleared and I could see the devastation that remained.
I ran, desperately trying to block out the images that were running through my head. I could hear someone calling my name. I ignored them. I slowed down as I saw the clearing of the forest up ahead.

[New paragraph >>]I’d always loved this forest. It was my place to think,[replace with semi colon] I always came here when[delete gap: all one word]ever I needed to be alone. I collapsed on[again, all one word: delete gap]to the forest floor, hugging my knees close to my chest, leaning back against the tree trunk. Tears leaked from beneath my closed lids.

It had been an accident, I was sure of it. I tipped my head back until it rested against the hard, rough bark behind me. As I stared up at the thick canopy of leaves, small wisps of smoke floated around me, the harsh grey blending with the vibrant greens of the leaves. [Brilliant use of description here - real imagery (: ] Looking down again I wiped away the remainder of the tears that had been falling thick and fast.

[s]I could remember [/s]The flames licking the wooden doorway. The bright orange hurting my eyes as it danced closer. I could hear the feeble coughing as the smoke crawled nearer, the screaming of people waking up and finally realising that the ancient house they had each passed everyday on their way to school was burning, crumbling slowly as the walls collapsed into piles, feeding the flames which grew higher and higher. I could feel someone grabbing my arms, pulling me to the door. I remembered stumbling and tripping over the burning rubble, wincing as it touched my bare feet….

I listened to the wind ruffling the leaves of the trees, allowing it to calm me, bring me back to the present. Suddenly I heard heavy footsteps, twigs snapping. I stood up, barely breathing. The footsteps stopped and I took my chance, running deeper into the forest. The leaves glistened slightly in the early morning dew. I glanced back over my shoulder, only to trip on the branch of a fallen tree. I stumbled into a large bush of brambles, which grabbed and tore my already tattered dress. I pulled at my dress, ignoring the loud ripping noise and kept running until I could hear the gentle lapping of the stream. I stopped and listened carefully, but no one seemed to be following me anymore.
I sat down next to the stream and allowed the cool water to sooth my sore, red feet. I lay back slowly, with the water still trickling over them, and thought back. Shouldn't my feet be -?
I sat up and looked at my now dripping soles. They were slightly red, but not terribly burnt, and then I remembered...

The person that had dragged me out of the burning room had noticed me gasping as I stepped on the burning rubble and had pulled me onto their back, had wrapped my arms around their neck. I had buried my head into their back as we ran, trying to block out the heat of the flames on my face.

I lay back again, hardly noticing that the back of my dress was becoming wet from the dew. I closed my eyes and listened to the wind through the trees and the trickling stream. . .[Delete ellipsis and replace with full stop]

I sat up suddenly as I heard someone walking slowly over the pebbles. I stood up carefully. A thick curtain of mist was now falling. I could see a tall figure standing perfectly still. I knew it was my saviour.
I walked slowly through the mist towards him, feeling strangely safe, almost as if I knew he wouldn’t hurt me. Although I couldn’t see his face, it didn’t matter, I didn’t need to.
Reaching out my hand, I noticed my arm was blistered, the skin peeling. Gasping, I held out my other arm, I saw that too was burnt and blistered. I looked up and for the first time, I clearly saw the face of my guardian.

“Beep, beep, beep!” [I would nix the speech marks, and have this in italics instead - what do you think?]
I ignored the alarm and pulled my duvet up over my head. My dream had felt so real. I had felt the heat of the flames on my face, the water running over my feet, the strong hands grabbing my arms, almost as if it had all actually happened.
“Beep, beep, beep!”
I groaned. Rolling over, I reached out my arm to turn off the alarm. I winced as it rubbed against the quilt. As I wandered into the bathroom, my feet felt tender. I walked over to the wash basin, rubbing my eyes. As I caught sight of my reflection, I was shocked. I had black smudges running down my cheeks and a leaf in my hair. Turning on the tap, I let the water run over my hands. They were filthy. I lifted my dripping hands up to my face and started to wipe away the black marks. Some of the water trickled down my wrist and onto my arm. I flinched. Looking down, my arms were blistered, the skin peeling. Exactly the same as in my dream. Seeing something out of the corner of my eye, I looked up slowly. Someone was leaning against the door[put a gap here, as these are two separate words] frame, watching me. I spun around. He smiled, standing perfectly still.
I blinked. Then he was gone. I looked around the bathroom.
How had I got here and who was my guardian angel? [Ooh, great ending (: ]

Overall Thoughts
This was an enjoyable read, and I can't think of much that you could do to improve it except you could maybe elaborate a bit more on the fire - how it happened, why it happened, and how did your MC get caught up in it and burnt? Otherwise, I really enjoyed reading this and I have to so I totally love your descriptions, they provide great imagery so I could imagine exactly what was happening. Great job, Pix, I hope this review will help you out and good luck with the competition!! =D

Keep Writing!!
--Lucyy xx